Rantaholics

Slowly I turn, step by step, inch by inch...

As I politely stand with my hands behind my back, crushing the papers I was holding, I answer her question. As a new employee, it is important to make her feel welcome. She is very nice, but Godzilla underneath. My patience is wearing thin now. Everytime Barbie sends me a email or makes a phone call, she bops on over to my desk and announces she has just emailed me and she just wanted to let me know. Great. At a five foot distance away, I can just take my thumb and forefinger and imagine squeezing her head. Oh how I wish. If I take the time to explain something, her high-maintenance personality begins to argue/question every bit of minutiae. Where is a sledgehammer when you need one? OK so she doesn't have any industry experience, that is ok, but please! Learn how to use a computer. I am not here to teach you that Barbie.

Oh hey, here is the kicker. She appears to be stabbed when anyone using a curse reaches her virgin ears. When my boss used the term "sugar tits" in a meeting (referring to how Mel Gibson calls a female police office) her eyes flew open (party platter size, I swear) and while her cavern mouth opened up in horror (open sesame).

My computer crashed (a hourly event) and the word f**k came flying out. "I don't like that type of language", she babbled.

"What type of language, English?" I answered/

" I find curse words very vulgar" she quipped.

I nodded in acknowledgement, now paying particular attention to anyone who cursed around her, eagerly awaiting her reaction. This is getting interesting.

Her barrage of questions is mollified when my co-worker uses the Brooklyn alphabet to describe some work that was not done properly. Something along the lines of "Well you guys are just assholes. Shit, what do I pay you for". Barbie turns to me and appears in shock again (if only she would stay that way). I try not to smile. I tell you its only going to get worse at the year rolls on. Here are my words of advice to you, Barbie: get some earplugs or learn to live with it. We degenerates were here first and we like it this way.